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Lev my Love

Falling Back

Alright we fell back in time for those of us still practicing Daylight Savings time.

I did feel a little bit of a time warp but I was up all night dancing and drinking.  If you pay attention to the Moon and the Sun you won’t get out of wack when the clock doesn’t make sense. Count on natures clock work. Kind of like our pets they don’t know how to tell time but they get hungry/sleepy at the same “time”.

This is not my favorite time of year. I feel impending doom with the temperature dropping. I accept it though, crawling through the calendar, I realize we’ll never get to April without going through November right.

Been thinking a lot about life and love but that is nothing new.

I’m watching my 16 year old date and fall in love for the first time. She is out with him now. This milestone brings a whole different set of worries for me. I trust her completely and have raised her in this all girl house with her head on straight. But I know boys can make you act stupid. Maybe love will, I won’t blame the boys. It is imperative that I not act a fool in my love life and dealings with men in general. You know, leading by example. Hoping that makes a difference in her attitude towards love and men.

Falling back in time. I remember those first crushes when I was a teenager.

Those years so defining in the beginning. Those very  first interactions and encounters in love with someone that is not your family can leave lasting marks. I always imagined my girl to have one steady throughout high school and not many.

And can you even call it love if it doesn’t last or if it wasn’t true.

I am still hopelessly single, mind you I prefer it that way and I am not envious of my coupled up counterparts. I date plenty but don’t want just one right now.

I am hopeless in the fact that I always want the one that doesn’t call. The ones that call me to go out, I don’t want to go out with. This has kind of been a constant in my life.

I have a patient that has a crush on me. He has shown me so in many ways. Wrote me a card and gave it to me on Halloween said something along the lines of I’ve liked you for a year now and think about you all the time and he says he misses talking to me because we haven’t talked since he first confessed his crush and asked me out and I turned him down and it has been awkward since being that I see him multiple times a week in my place of work.

Having a crush on a co worker is different than having a crush on your care giver. Either way don’t bother me with a workplace romance. I am not even in that frame of mind while at work. But I am so sad thinking about the hearts I break and my own broken heart. I am sad because this guy (nice, my age, no kids!)(that that I complain about being so elusive!) will probably die loving and missing me!

Who the fuck else does that?

Sad because I ran into my own long ago crush last week we said hello how are you kind of hug good to see you. And he has a girlfriend now and I will probably die loving and missing him. Handsome as ever. Boy if we could just be for each other what the other needs wouldn’t we all get along then?

I don’t know.

Here we go. Moving forward.

If you haven’t already, flip your calendar forward and your clock back.



About urbanamber

Living the dream. Lovin life.


One thought on “Falling Back

  1. Interesting, Thanks for this. The year has gone by quickly and it’s nearly the New Year. It’s interesting to see how kids grow up so fast and go through the same phases you once did but this time you hope they make the right choices. Thanks.

    Posted by We. See Hope | November 2, 2014, 10:50 pm

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